humor

Honest Author Reactions to Bad Book Reviews

August 8, 2014 By Brandon 11 Comments

Political correctness and good PR suggest that writers take criticism in a number of ways, none of which allow them to vent their often honest feelings about bad reviews. So, in good fun…this one is for writer’s everywhere. (And yes, we have one coming for readers.)

Disclaimer: Before I get another author behaving badly badge, these were taken from 1000’s of reviews I’ve gone through in 20-odd genres. So if you think I’m picking on you, well, maybe I am. Or, you can just have a laugh at the ridiculousness that has become the back and forth in reviewing books in this day and age. It is all meant in fun.

Want to know what readers think? >> Honest Reader Reactions to Bad Books

1. The tongue wrangler

S/he just goes on and on about how bad your book was when ten or twenty sentences will do just fine. We get it. You hated it.

2. The nonbeliever

The Editing Process (Animated)

July 9, 2014 By Brandon Leave a Comment

Some days are not for editing

A Note for New Gay Dads

June 15, 2014 By Brandon 2 Comments

I get a kick out of today’s new gay dads. They’re all full of look what we did, with pictures and blogs and flashing about the awards they received for being Father of the Year. It’s adorable really.

But I sometimes wonder if they understand that gay men have been raising children for a long, long time; long before it became legal, or condone, or even accepted. But they’re new parents so that’s to be expected. After they change a few hundred diapers the luster wears off. We old-timers know that. Then there’s daycare and schools and shitty teachers, and drug use and sex and heartbreaks and maybe the cops bringing the kid home one night. Been there. Done all that – all of it while Anita Bryant’s words were still echoing in minds across the land about what loathsome perverts us homos were. [Read more…] about A Note for New Gay Dads

The Housework Muse

December 16, 2012 By Brandon Leave a Comment

Anyone have one of those – a muse that does housework? No? Me either. In fact, when I get done from the real job I come home and look around and shake my head, (especially if I’ve been travelling). I wonder why my muse can’t at least do the laundry, or…some damned thing.

Instead, when I come in the door she’s all about “Oh no, we have to talk about this, that, and the other thing…And while you were out worrying about money (apparently a dirty word) I’ve come up with this great idea for…” [Read more…] about The Housework Muse

The Psychopath Test – Do Writers Fail?

August 20, 2012 By Brandon 3 Comments

I’m pretty sure most of you are familiar with the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). I actually have a copy on my shelf as a reference book.

The DSM comes in quite handy for writing (as well as for figuring out WTF is really wrong with your relatives.) As a writer, you already know that all your ~~family members~~ characters are listed in there somewhere. It is simply one of those must-have reference books you can’t be without.

But as a writer, the DSM is also a bit of a Pandora’s box. Really, I kid you not. Who else but a writer can get away with telling everyone they hear voices, and then spend months cooped up in a small room piled high with crumpled papers, cigarette smoke curling around your head?

Neatness hinders creativity you tell yourself, and this is a writer’s cave. Anything goes here. There are no rules except the sanctity of solitude, the smell of hot ink, and that goddamned two-foot high DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door, which must be obeyed. [Read more…] about The Psychopath Test – Do Writers Fail?

On the Whimsy

April 30, 2012 By Brandon Leave a Comment

So when I started this out I was being convinced by friends that I ‘just had to publish.’

It won’t be much, new book tech, kindle, nook and all that… Yeah, right. I had to figure out a whole new language, find book marketing bloggers that weren’t trying to pedal me some bullshit scheme about how they were going to make me the next NYT bestseller, and then there were all those querky tech problems that I still have no clue about. [Read more…] about On the Whimsy