Political correctness and good PR suggest that writers take criticism in a number of ways, none of which allow them to vent their often honest feelings about bad reviews. So, in good fun…this one is for writer’s everywhere. (And yes, we have one coming for readers.)
Disclaimer: Before I get another author behaving badly badge, these were taken from 1000’s of reviews I’ve gone through in 20-odd genres. So if you think I’m picking on you, well, maybe I am. Or, you can just have a laugh at the ridiculousness that has become the back and forth in reviewing books in this day and age. It is all meant in fun.
Want to know what readers think? >> Honest Reader Reactions to Bad Books
1. The tongue wrangler
S/he just goes on and on about how bad your book was when ten or twenty sentences will do just fine. We get it. You hated it.
2. The nonbeliever
You spent months, money and travel researching facts and they start out with “If you can suspend belief…”
3. The PC Police
Your book does not live up to their ever-changing system of social/eco/political sophistry.
4. The Grammarian
You, your editor, your publisher missed a comma. On page 147 = One star review. (It was good right up until then. DNF.)
5. The DNF King/Queen
Has 10,000 books ‘read’ on Goodreads, making them a ‘top reviewer’. Has DNF’d 8,927 of them. In 3 months.
6. The Who What?
I didn’t get it. Who got it? They didn’t get it either. Stupid. DNF.
7. The Enders
Status updates show rave comments all through the book.
One star. Didn’t like ending. That wererat shoulda got his cheese!
8. The Witty One
S/he thinks snark is an acronym for intelligence in discourse and reviews.
9. The Lifer
Your protagonist’s life is different from their own life experience. Therefore, everything you wrote is a fecking lie. A LIE!!!
10. The Rambler
Had a bad fecking day, so this book is bad, the world is bad. Life is bad. You are bad. DNF!!!!! And feck you all too! (Will post full review later, when life doesn’t suck.)
BONUS: The Side Liners
Authors and readers alike, watching the perpetual book review drama unfold…