21 Gay Writers talk about The Other Man

Welcome writer and editor Paul Fahey, who I invited to the blog after readers nominated the award-winning, The Other Man: 21 Writers Speak Candidly About Sex, Love, Infidelity, & Moving On for a 2014 LGBT Book Gem

From the beginning, this project has been a labor of love, especially since the charity involved, the It Gets Better Project, is one near and dear to all our hearts. (A portion of the proceeds from sales of the anthology goes to It Gets Better.)

Here’s how the book happened:

The Other ManIn 2010, I met writer, Victoria Zackheim, editor of The Other Woman, at a local writer’s conference. I was immediately fascinated by her book of essays and asked if anyone had considered editing an anthology on the subject from the male viewpoint. To Victoria’s knowledge, no one had written a follow up and she immediately gave me her blessings to edit the gay companion to her wonderful book.

I immediately sent out invitations to some of my favorite male writers and asked them to contribute to the anthology. In the process, I discovered that writers either had an other man story to tell or they didn’t. It was that simple. Eventually I had a strong list of contributors and we were off and running. By early 2011, I had written a detailed book proposal, acquired an agent, the wonderful Jill Marsal of the Marsal/Lyon Literary Agency, and had a complete list of contributors attached to the book.

If I said the road to publication from this point on was an easy one, I’d be lying. It wasn’t. There were bumps and detours ahead. Jill shopped the proposal to small publishers open to LGBT work. After a year, we had one interested publisher who kept us hanging until they decided against the book because one of the editors felt the reading public, and gay men in general, wouldn’t be interested in the topic of the other man scenario. Hmm. Crazy, I know, but like I said, the road was pretty bumpy.

In the interim, JM Snyder, of JMS Books, published my first e book novella, The View from 16 Podwale Street, a lesbian historical romance, and immediately said she was interested in publishing The Other Man, especially with the It Gets Better charity sharing in the profits. In May 2013, The Other Man became a reality and was released as an e book and also in print.

Last year our book won a 2013 Rainbow Award for Nonfiction and was selected by the American Library Association for their Over the Rainbow Nonfiction List for Adults.

It’s been a great ride all the way. I’d love to talk more about our book. Please feel free to comment and ask me whatever you like. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.



THE OTHER MAN is an artistic collaboration by and about gay men and their relationships. If you’ve ever been the other man, had him invade your life, or are just plain curious about this beguiling, unpredictable and dangerous creature, then this anthology of personal essays is for you. Twenty–one of our most acclaimed authors, many Lambda Award winners and finalists, such as Rob Byrnes, Jeff Mann, Tom Mendicino, Erik Orrantia, Felice Picano and David Pratt, write candidly about either being the other man, suffering the other man or having their relationships tested by infidelity. What they tell us is we must take heart, it does get better and one day our luck is bound to change. We’ll survive the bumps and detours in our relationships and weather the storms, or resolve to move on. Along the way, we’ll hope to meet someone new and simpatico, maybe even our long-awaited soul mate. Life will be good again. Or will it?


Purchase The Other Man from Amazon, JMS or Barnes and Noble.



Paul Alan Fahey writes for JMS Books. He is the author of the Lovers & Liars gay wartime series. Paul is the editor of the 2013 Rainbow Award winning anthology, The Other Man: 21 Writers Speak Candidly About Sex, Love, Infidelity, & Moving On. His first WWII novella, The View From 16 Podwale Street, published by JMS Books, won a 2012 Rainbow Award. Over the years, his writing has appeared in numerous literary journals and anthologies. He lives on the California Central Coast with his husband, Robert Franks, and three wild and wooly shelties. Visit him at


  • Lewis DeSimone

    “The Other Man” (the book, that is) was a great experience for me. It’s wonderful to be in such fine company; our reading at Saints & Sinners last year was extremely fun. Paul, you are such a supportive editor and have been so great about getting the word out. It’s enough to make me want to bare my soul again. Well, almost.

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Hi, Lewis, so good to see you here. I definitely wouldn’t ask you to do it again. Bare your soul, I mean. But if I ever feel the urge, I sure hope you’ll say yes to another collection. Hugs to you and yours and thank you so much for your comments. Hope you have fun at Saints & Sinners this month. I’ll be there in spirit.

  • Glen Retief

    Paul was a wonderful editor. Careful, sensitive, thoughtful. The book is a testimony not just to the talented writers who are in it, but also to his skill and vision.

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Thank you so much, Glen. It means a lot to hear this and I’m so glad to see you here. I know you have a new book coming out and I’ll be watching on FB for the release date. Take care and hugs to you and Peterson.

  • perrybrass

    I enjoyed being a part of this project; the “other man” experience I wrote about was one of the most painful ones of my life—painful and extremely illuminating. It came about at a time—I was 52—when a lot of men feel they are past a great, soul-shaking romantic experience; they expect this to happen in their 20s, 30s, or 40s. Simply the fact that it did was wonderful in itself. I’m glad that Paul gave me a chance to write about it, and I hope that the essays in TOM get a further life in some form or another. I’d like to see that.

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Hi, Perry and thank you for responding. I know that essay of yours was particularly difficult to write, but you did it and it’s quite wonderful. A lot of the essays were gut wrenching for most of us. Right now a professor of theater arts is reading The Other Man with an eye to a theatrical production. Wouldn’t that be great? I’ll keep you posted. Take care and hugs your way. Paul.

  • I had no idea the road to publication for this book was such a rough one. Glad you persisted, Paul!

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Thanks, Jeff. Congrats on your latest release and the grad degree. I can’t wait to read what you write next. Hugs your way and have fun at Saints and Sinners. You deserve it. Paul.

  • Justin South

    Thanks for the post, Brandon. To read 21 personal perspectives on relationships will be an experience much looked forward to. Congratulations to all concerned with The Other Man.

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Hi, Justin, thank you for your comment. I think you’ll enjoy the essays in The Other Man. They’re all so different and each writer literally wrote a candid and frank account of their other man scenario. Happy reading. Paul

  • Rodney Ross

    What a thrill it was to be invited and included…especially so after long and tiresome slogs to get ANYONE to read something of mine. To be ASKED…well, it was heady. Paul was a generous editor, never timid to ask for clarification, yet mindful that every writer’s voice has inflections and nuance that defy editing. Friends still play the guessing game of who-is-who in my essay ‘And Then There Was One’. Some, shockingly, didn’t recognize themselves. My hope is Paul brainstorms another anthology.

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Hey, Rodney, Thank you so much for stopping by. Readers will love your wonderful essay. I did. I have to admit I wasn’t disappointed in any of the submissions. All were tops and to be honest, needed very little tinkering by me. I was extremely lucky the first time out with an anthology to have such wonderful writers. Can’t say enough about the calibre of authors in the book. Looking forward to your next book that I know is out soon. What’s the title? Hugs back, Paul.

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Rodney, P.S. Your new release is “Bended Knee” and the cover is fabulous!

  • David Pratt

    It was great being part of The Other Man, especially the reading with a whole bunch of us Other Men last year at the Saints & Sinners Festival. A fascinating, touching , sometimes sexy, sometimes hilarious funny array of stories. And Paul was a dream to work with as an editor. In the process I got to read one of his own works, The View from 16 Podwale Street, which I highly recommend.

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Hey, David, how nice to see you here. Thank you for dropping by. I really appreciate those nice words about Podwale St., and I loved working with you as well. Maybe with a little prompting you can mention your new book. I know Brandon’s readers would love to hear about it. Take good care and thank you again.

      • Paul Alan Fahey

        P.S. David’s new book is “Looking After Joey.” David Pratt is a fine writer. Don’t miss this one.

  • Brita Addams

    Nice to know the background and the not so easy road The Other Man took to publication. I love that book! Congratulations on all its success. Well deserved. Hugs to you!!

    • Paul Alan Fahey

      Hey, Brita, how great to see you here. Thank you for those nice words about The Other Man. Congrats yourself on your recent book contracts. Looking forward to your new releases. Hope all’s well your way. Hugs right back. Paul.

  • Paul Alan Fahey

    Hi, Brandon, So good of you to have us here today. We’re all thrilled about the nomination and some of the contributors said they’d chime in during the day. I’ll be in and out but will be sure and respond to all comments when I can. All my best, Paul.